i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
It's never too late to be topless.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize