So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
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