Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
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