I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Randomize
