It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
You are the jesus of drinking
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Randomize
