I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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