I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Can I color on your dick again?
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Randomize
