if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
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