you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Randomize
