no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
