i just wanna soil my oats bro
kristin has been a bad kristin
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Randomize
