what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
