Cold hands, warm shart.
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
Quick, to the slutcave!
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize