Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
