I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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