she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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