You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
and i looked up. we had an audience...
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
