Betty ford says i'm here all night
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Randomize
