We're facebook friends in real life
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Randomize
