I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
