you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
