What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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