Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
I'm really busy with my period
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
