You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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