I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
