i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
you traded sex for a burrito?
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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