Sorry, I don't speak sober.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
