the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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