her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
