That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
I cut my penus on the lid.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
