yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Randomize
