So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Randomize
