She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize