Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
i think my cat just said my name.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Randomize
