I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
