suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Just pee around me
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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