Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize