Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
i drank out of a bidet.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
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