Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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