and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
