you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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