this boner is exhausting
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
as a side note pls kill me
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
