Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
