we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
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