WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Randomize
