All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
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