I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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