Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
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