Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Randomize
