when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
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