Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Randomize
