I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
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