somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
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