forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
