My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Randomize
