so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
