Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
