It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize