so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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