New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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