And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
