he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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