I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
