I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
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