I checked into jail on foursquare
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
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