i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
